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3rd time in rehab...I've had enough!

Old 12-16-2010, 11:53 PM
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3rd time in rehab...I've had enough!

Sorry, I really need to vent. So my suspicions were right in my last thread and my mother is back in rehab, three short days after she returned home. I KNEW I smelt it on her when she was staying here, especially when my flatmate said the same. But she's so good at lying that I convinced myself I must have been wrong.

I am SO angry.

I should be supportive and sympathetic but seriously! How many times do we have to go through this as a family? I begged her not to lie to me - I said I could handle her drinking if she'd fallen off the wagon but I couldn't take the lies. I made it so clear, I pleaded for honesty. And she lied right to my face.

There's been no crying this time, just anger and disbelief. Do some people never recover? Is there no incentive for some of them? You'd think she'd want to stick around for her kids and eventual grandchildren but maybe this disease is more powerful than any of us. I love her but, this sounds so selfish, I'm over it.
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Old 12-17-2010, 04:05 AM
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sass85, Breathe deep. Close your eyes. Starting at 10 sowly count backwards. Sit with a straight back, but do not overdo it so that the back becomes tense. Concentrate on focusing your awareness/attention on specific muscles of your body. Starting with your head, feel the tension drain downward out of your face. Move your awareness down the neck – imagine that you can push the tension downward and that the muscles relax and soften. Continue down the body, especially work on the shoulders and stomach muscles. Keep moving the tension downward until you reach your feet. At this point imagine all the accumulated tension is forced out of your feet and into the floor. Imagine/feel your tension moving out of your muscles and down your body so that all the tension finally runs through your feet and into the ground.

After you feel all your tension being released from your body, open your eyes half open. Concentrate on the following picture for a few seconds, or something you envision that is appealing to you. While you are concentrating, try to imagine yourself in this scene. Then, gradually try to concentrate on one particular part of the scene. Feel that this particular place which you have selected is where you are in reality. After a few minutes, concentrate on the entire scene again, and feel that you are part of the whole scene. Continue focusing on this scene, concentrating first on the particular place you are at in this scene—and then on the entire scene. While you are doing this, please try not to allow any thought to enter into your mind. Try to make your mind absolutely calm, quiet and tranquil.

After some time, please close your eyes and try to see the scene that you have been concentrating on inside your heart. Then, in the same way that you concentrated
on the scene, kindly concentrate on the scene inside your heart, with your eyes closed.

If this little mediation has helped you to release some of your negative energy......enjoy its peace......and take some time to bask in its tranquity!

Love and Peace,
Phoenix

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Old 12-17-2010, 04:11 AM
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Old 12-17-2010, 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted by sass85 View Post
Do some people never recover? Is there no incentive for some of them?
Yes, of course there are millions of alcoholics who never recover and the world's hospitals, homeless shelters and graveyards are full of them.

If you look at alcoholism as a disease rather than a matter of willpower, you may start to get a different perspective. If she had cancer would you be "angry" at her for not getting better? Do you see how all the "incentive" in the world cannot make a difference with the sickest of the sick?

it is possible to detach from the madness of addiction AND remain compassionate. It's not only possible, it's necessary.
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Old 12-17-2010, 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted by sass85 View Post
I am SO angry.
I love her but, this sounds so selfish, I'm over it.
Perfectly normal and not selfish at all. I think its the 'fight or flight' response and you are choosing to 'flight' this time. It must be so painful for you and you may need to do this to protect yourself from the pain. It sounds like its time to look after yourself and put yourself first. Its such a powerful disease that its heart rendering sometimes, there seems to be no logic as to why alcoholics choose alcohol before family and loved ones.

I hope your mum eventually finds sobriety, but in the meantime put yourself first and please dont feel selfish about it. Find an Al-anon meeting too as this will be a great help for you, to work out where you fit into your mums world and why you need to take care of you.
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Old 12-17-2010, 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Phoenixthebird View Post
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wow, beautiful..........I'm gonna try that relaxing technique myself. Thanks.
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:05 AM
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I love that animated graphic too! Very cool!

I go to a group that does the relaxation excercises at the beginning of each session, even tho' I know how to do them myself at home I am always amazed at how much they help me with a little outside assistance. It makes a real difference for me! The calming effect is marvelous. No good decision was made in a place of mental turmoil and anxiety.
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:13 AM
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one of the consequences of active addiction is that people, even people who really love you get fully fed up.It is a disease, BUT that doesn't mean you have to stand around and watch. Loving detachment..letting her go on her own journey can help.Only you can say what your boundaries are..when my daughter was in active addiction I didn't want to have no contact with her, but I did have minimal contact. We really couldn't have an authentic relationship anyway, but I wanted her to know I loved her and would support her in recovery..have you gone to alanon? It really helped me.
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