I have a male friend whom I love. I happened to talk with him today and I shared a bit about your story because I know he had a similar one many years ago when he was younger.
He fell in love with a dancer. (read also stripper/prostitute). She became pregnant with his child. He wanted to do the right thing by her and he loved her. He bought her an engagement ring. He helped her in every way he knew to be best. He met and spoke with her every day through out the pregnancy. He is a very smart and ethical man. Well, that guy at her apartment that she said was her brother. Not. He was her abusive husband. She could have left that husband and that life for a good life with a good man. She didn't. But she did string him along for financial and emotional support, planning marriage and parenthood with him all the while. She seemed utterly sincere and he believed that she loved him as much as he loved her. She told him she wanted all the same things that he did and how much he meant to her and how much he helped her and was so good for her. She went into the hospital to give birth and he could not find her. After that she simply disappeared. He spent years looking for her and information on his child. He learned that he has a daughter through the grapevine. People told him, do not look for her any longer, she does not want to be found. She does not want you to find her. She has a daughter, the daughter's first name is: xxxxx. She has been seen back in the life but not where you can find her. Give it up, go on.
This man will never have any more children. It breaks his heart to know he has a daughter, the kind of life she is living and that he was unable to do anything about it and for her. He no longer believes that this woman was even honest about what her real name was. he does believe it is his daughter as he was told how much the daughter resembles him and etc through others in his searching.
So, when I mention your story to him...he doesn't lack compassion but he also says that without a doubt that you are softening and enabling her and aiding her in her addiction and getting in the way of any recovery she might have.
He is also a recovered addict.
He aslo acknowledges that if she gets clean you will not be in her life.
He says that you are using her and she is using you.
He doesn't have any equivocation about whether you are being conned big time. He considers that a given.
Anything he suggested to me that we might be able to share with you to help with your dilemna, understanding and pain and also be caring of her and that outcome...I had to say, we have all ready said that. yes, and that. that too.
It isn't a matter of finding out the truth about anything. That has been put out here in as many ways as I can currently think of...mostly by others.
It is about accepting the truth and behaving in accordance with it.
Feelings are to be felt and I understand that, but we cannot always behave simply according to our feelings, that would undo all of civilization!