Thanks. I was just in a panic and typing a mile a minute.
No I haven't gone to Al-anon. I've been contemplating it. I've been trying really hard to stay busy. I've just started to have days when I don't cry anymore. My cousin's husband died last week and that snapped me out of my rut. I just can't imagine what she is going through. I'm upset over a stupid alcoholic ex boyfriend who did me the favor of leaving to go stay somewhere else when every day I thought I was going crazy and couldn't take anymore and I want that back? What the hell is wrong with me.
I did the "list" of pros and cons. The pros - he took the trash out, he'd clean up the dishes, sometimes he smelled good. The cons - too many to mention. I'm going to have to see him again at some point because we work for the same company at different locations. I have to go to his location to audit my remote staff. Hopefully by then I'll be stronger. Now I just have an open wound and keep putting on fresh bandaids. Talking to him would be like ripping off the bandaid and pouring e-coli on myself!