Hello-Kitty,*
Thanks for the advice and sharing your experience. All the things you have said sounds like things I would have told myself or done before this all happened. It's like I lost myself during this whole ordeal. Even my own mother sat and cried saying "what happened to you? You used to be this strong young women. And you let this guy take that away." even during our relationship I always mantained sense of self. He even tried putting some of the blame of his using on the fact I never fully embraced our relationship because I never completely surrendered myself to our relationship. It's hard to move on without any answers to my questions and to feel the person who hurt*you*so much has no real remorse. But I'm going to try. The anger inside me is consuming me. It's time for me to be free.
JJ,*
I know exactly what you mean. I don't want to live like that. For my sake and especially for my daughters. I know our relationship will never be what I thought it will be even if he does get sober. He's not the same and I know that Im not the same either. It's sad because it's like mourning a loss. Our relationship was built on trust. Or so I thought. I never had a doubt in my mind about him. Which probably got me where I am now. Maybe I was too trusting with him. It's hard to accept he is everything I thought he wasn't*
Angie,*
I see where ur coming from. I thought that myself but for some reason I can't let go. I should be counting my lucky stars she came along. I did tell him I think if it wasn't her it maybe would have been someone else. It does hurt that he "chose" another female over me and his daughter. I also have hate towards her. Part of the reason I guess is I met her and she came to our place on several occassions. She was a friend of a friend. She hung around and even covered for him. That to me is so wrong in my eyes. She even drove him at times to meet me after he left and waited hiding so I didn't see her. I myself wouldn't even lie for my own sister in regards to cheating *never condone it never will.
And if she left I'm sure he would find someone else. He admitted he knew i would never forgive him and that he just can't be alone. Which I now see.
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