I've been reading, and re-reading this original post for the past two days. Over and over. I wanted to wait until my head wasn't screaming something that would likely get pulled by the powers greater than I, until I could think about what I was reading clearly and with compassion, and not with offense or "are you ******* kidding me"-tude. I come at this stuff from a few 'sides'. I am an addict/alcholic in recovery, and I have loved many people who are the same. I have worked on codependency issues, and grew up raised by alcoholics. So, that being said.. I have to form my thoughts carefully, depending on which 'board' I respond to.
And I waited long enough for Cyranoak to express many of the thoughts I was thinking, in a much better way than I could put them on the screen, so thank you.
To the orginal poster, my only two thoughts are this (in addition to the wonderful support and guidance you've already been offered);
You must protect your children. An active alcoholic is in no way shape or form a responsible caregiver. If you brought your kids to a day care, and the provider was drunk, would you leave them? Are you aware that since you KNOW your wife is drunk when she provides their care, you are in danger of being charged with NEGLIGENCE if anything were to happen to them, God forbid? You are their voice. They are being exposed to addiction, during years of their lives where the foundation for how they approach life, is set. You MUST protect them.
Secondly.. You do not have the right to control another adult who is competent to make her own decisions. She can sit around and drink 15 bottles of vodka a day, that is her choice. She could sit and drink that way forever and ever. Period. What YOU decide is what is ok to live with and expose your children to. Don't want to live with a drunk? Don't. Don't want to expose your children to an intoxicated and dangerous caregiver? Take action. Don't want to enable her drinking? Don't provide any resources that make her ABLE to continue this behavior. Providing her the money to get drunk, the home to get drunk in, the children to 'care' for without responsibility or safety, the security of a soft place to land every night that she passes out.. enables her to continue this.
That's just my opinion, take it or leave it.. but you came, you asked, we answered from our experience.