On the other hand, she could easily use this information as justification to go after our son.
I think your intuition is accurate here given her history of aggression towards your son.
Like everyone else has pointed out, nothing I ever SAID to my axw ever made one speck of difference in her drinking.
With regard to your son and his friends having a laugh about his mom's drunkenness, I just got back from reuniting with an old childhood friend. We spent many nights at his house, from 12yo on up through high school, sitting cross legged on the floor, while his dad "held court". Sharing his worldly wisdom, all glassy eyed on about his 3rd or 4th scotch.
We used to laugh about it even then. We had what we referred to as his 2 scotch lectures, his 3 scotch lectures, etc.. We would just look at each other and roll our eyes. His dad was really a nice man, never mean or aggressive, just kind of silly. Held a good job, provided for his family, his wife was able to be a SAHM to three kids, it wasn't bad at all. BTW his dad is 80 now, didn't ask if he still "held court".
All things considered I probably wouldn't mention it.
Keep doing what you are doing, maybe have the "talk" with your kids, offer counseling if they want it. My daughter goes to the school counselor every Thursday for an hour of "group therapy" and she likes it. She seems to like the idea that there are other little kids with family "issues", besides just her.
You are changing the family "dynamic" by changing YOUR behavior, it will change your lives for the better eventually.
Keep the faith.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
P.S. Good lord, some of you folks are up late! Must be the time differences.