Goodbye......I cant do this anymore.
Ok so you will all know how silly I was when he phoned and told me how much he missed me and could we meet up on Monday night. He said he was giving up drinking that day, was back in touch with his sponsor and into AA. So I went around. He stank of booze - had a major hangover - said he loved me etc etc etc. We were intimate (DUMB I KNOW). We chatted and I told him I was there for him and supported his sobriety. Turns out he had spent the weekend with "a woman friend" attending work functions. Said nothing was going on but that he needed space to heal and I will accept this. I mentioned to him I was going out with some friends - some male and he went crazy saying we have not defined our relationship yet and how can I be going out and about with other men. Anyway then he "shut down" and I left - I did not hear from him again.
Last night he text messaged and when I said I felt he was not "that into me" he went crazy saying "thanks a lot - fine - then ok". I tried to phone him but he would not take the calls and then today a friend calls to say he is so worried about me etc etc etc................this is a nightmare of note. If he is so worried why cant he pick up a phone? Is this how they are sober????
He told my friend that he wants space and doesn't want a relationship or to be involved with anyone, however he loves me now and would like ultimately to get back together. He is saying that that is what he wants at this stage, but he isn't sure of his long term feelings.
THIS IS A LOAD OF CRAP HEY????
Enough is enough. I am the one who always feels pathetic. I read other posts here and here people saying RUN, RUN, RUN. Well I think it is now my turn to run. I love this man but I cant hurt like this anymore. What little self respect I have left is begging me to find the strength to run. I love this man. I want him healed, but the cost to me is too much.
I am so sad now. We live in the same small town and I see him at least twice a week in passing. I just cant do this anymore. I hate it more than anything when he ignores me and he knows that. I am so insecure about this woman he goes out and about drinking with (she does not know he is an alcoholic). Our evenings used to be spent watching sport, reading, never going out because he was tired. Yet he seems to be able to go out and about with her with no problem at all. This given he KNOWS I battle with infidelity given how my marriage ended.
Dear God......please help me to break free.......this is the heardest thing I will ever do.