Rhode, the best thing I did for myself, my child & my AH was remove myself & our child. I felt helpless (and guilty) as things took a worse turn for my AH *until* he hit his bottom. He couldn't so long as I was enabling & controlling. My leaving was not only the best thing for me & our child but for him. He has been sober & in recovery for 9 months. I did a lot of what you did. I was the last enabler standing in my AH's way to his eventual path to recovery. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to release them. (I love the saying about "giving the addict his/her dignity" to follow his/her path, make their choices, etc. As long as I was enabling, controlling, treating him like a child, I was not giving him the dignity he so deserved (regardless of his active alcoholism & its devastating effect on us as a family).Now I feel I can be of support to my RAH (by letting him do his own recovery--though I do want to "butt" in sometimes. )
I so feel for you. You will find lots of wisdom from those who understand how you feel. Iam learning so much from everyone here.