Hi Curse
Welcome.
I spent years being worried but not wanting to quit - even tho I often sick miserable and poor, drinking was my life. It was a constant. It was a crappy life but it was mine.
Eventually tho I had to drink more and more to get the same effect. More and more bad things happened to me as a result of drinking, and I also got sicker and sicker.
I drank all day everyday, and I nearly died.
I had no choice but to find a new way to live - and I'm glad I did.
I got my self respect back, and I found happiness and usefulness again.
I'm not a slave to alcohol anymore.
If you ever want to give sobriety a go, you'll find a lot of support here.
D