Originally Posted by
goldengirl3 
My counselor says he blew up because he felt ashamed. I don't really believe that.
Hmm, I think she may have a point. My aexh just blew up at me for pointing out his bad behavior-- granted, it was something that he did 3 years ago, and I wasn't nearly as polite as you are-- but he reacted way out of proportion to the subject.
To me, it did have the feeling of shame, like I'd poked a sore spot with a long, sharp stick. It's been a long time since I've experienced it (until last week), but he does go into this sort of singleminded, irrational attack mode when I foolishly try to make him look in the mirror.