Question - how do you handle not pointing out rudeness?
I have a question here. One of the things my ex hated about me, was if he was doing something rude or inconsiderate of me, I would point it out. From my point of view, I really didn't see another option. To me, letting him do that thing to me wasn't an option and I was going to say something.
This happened a lot, but one of the easiest examples I can remember is this one: A couple of years ago we bought guitars together. We were both heavy drinkers and talking about how we needed other things to do. One of us suggested guitars and we both got excited and immediately left the bar to go to the music store. We bought some cheap guitars and guitar books. (My ex had played some as a kid so he was already ahead of me) We got home and started trying to learn chords and songs. He kept saying he wanted us to play together and this could be one of hobbies, and I can sing pretty well - sometimes he would play and I would sing. It was a secret for a few weeks - he was embarrassed his friends would make fun of him. One day he finally told his best guy friend (a guy from his alcoholic best friend group) and the guy got really excited. He kept saying, "we're gonna jam man." My ex kept talking about how maybe he and his friend could start a band together and he was going to start bringing the guitar to his house and playing with him. Basically, I was cut out of the picture. Not unusual for my ex to do - in this case I think he is just stupid, not mean.
So after about a week, I decided to say something and I said it as nice as I could. "I need to talk to you about something...just remember...we bought the guitars together and that was going to be our thing. It seems like you guys are going to play now and I'm sort of cut out." He took it okay in that moment but a few days later completely blew up on me for it and screaming at me. How dare I bring that up.
It was one of his biggest pet peeves of me...to ever call out things like that.
Anyone else ever have this experience?
My question - did you learn not to say anything? If you did say anything, were you blown up on?
My counselor says he blew up because he felt ashamed. I don't really believe that.