Hi Xuse. I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm bipolar but until last year I was only being treated for depression and extreme anxiety. From 2000 until 2006 I was also in an abusive relationship. I started to drink because I couldn't sleep but then I realized that if I kept drinking I would black-out and not feel a thing....not the mental issues....not my now ex-husband....not the abuse. Being I've finally learned that those things are still there (except the ex's abuse....unless you count his slamming the door in my face because he doesn't want to hear what I have to say about our son). I'm actually learning how to like NOT feeling numb now. So far so good.
Good luck. You're definitely not alone.