I don't know... I have heard people share, here and at meetings, where they were told that they weren't through drinking yet and that they should just go out and get a bottle or whatever... And most of the time, as I have heard it, it p1sses them off so much that they don't pick up just spite the SOB...
Maybe you should look at what happened, closely... Is your sobriety being built on such shaky ground that when someone tells you to go out and by that six pack... you do? What if it was a cliff you were told to jump off? ...Which, for an alcoholic, is potentially no less fatal...
Something's missing crzy, not sure what exactly.... willingness? surrender?
You said...
i know whats right and whats wrong, there is nothing any body could tell me that i dont allready know
and a little later...
but still just didnt have that "will power" to get myself to stop this insanity
Hasn't anyone told you that it is exactly NOT about willpower?
Don't blame the sponsor. Her responsibility is to show you the program of AA, the steps, what she did... Not to stop you from buying alcohol when you threaten to do so.
Rigorous Honesty. Personal Responsibility.
Stop fighting crzy, haven't you learned that you'll lose every time? Ask your sponsor about step one, what it means to be powerless over alcohol... and more importantly... how do you find the power you need to recover. That's what your sponsor is there to help you with.
