JW123,
as I read your post I developed one thought in my mind......codependency!
What
IS Co-Dependency,
Anyway? Let's look at the name: "dependency" is a form of the word "dependant" which means "Relying on or requiring the aid of another for support." Children are dependent on their parents. Being "CO" dependent means that two people are dependent on each other, emotionally. Now that doesn't sound so bad, does it?
The problem is when the dependency is hurtful, emotionally stunted or keeps one or both people stuck. From reading your post it appears that you are dependent upon your boyfriend for your personal self esteem and respect. One of the most important lessons that I learned from attending Alanon and SR is when a codependent said, "I have learned that all the parts of my personality that I thought were my greatest strengths were actually also my greatest weaknesses. Always being the best friend anyone ever had, always doing whatever anyone asked of me, and always putting other's needs before my own were holding me back."
Learning that your needs are important is a huge lesson. You are just as entitled to have your needs met as anyone else. You are just as entitled to care for yourself first! Learning to take care of yourself first and respect from your boyfriend is a major step towards breaking the co-dependent cycle and gaining self esteem. If someone gets angry with you or abandons you in some way, for placing yourself first, makes that person a not-so-nice person. Maybe you need to examine why they are in your life in the first place.
Obviously this is just one aspect of co-dependency. If you feel that you may have a problem with this, then finding some help may be the next step. You can get some therapy, find a good Al-Anon meeting, or even buy a good book on the subject. Just be willing to see that anyone can be co-dependent, and learn to take care of yourself first!
