SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - My mother is drinking herself to death :(

12-03-2010, 06:27 AM

# 9 (permalink)

sofacat

work in progress

Join Date: Sep 2009

Location: the sunshine state

Posts: 623

I just spoke to my mother and she vehemently denied drinking...

Is it weird to hope that she's not lying, even after all this time?

Try just to keep the focus on you. You have been a situation with someone you love that is very painful, and can be quite maddening at times....you start snooping, and quizzing, and doing all kinds of detective work to validate your concerns, and to justify what your gut is telling you.

It's a "see, i told you I was right!" kind of thing. You want so much for everyone else to know what you know, and get behind you in your plight. You may feel abandoned, or that you are slightly bonkers for feeling what you feel, thinking what you think...when no one else around you seems to notice what you are talking about. Makes you just want to scream at how frustrating this is!

Even if, sass, you verify that she is drinking...which she probably is...what then?
Do you fantasize that when her drinking comes to light, that the whole family will band together and force her to quit? Haven't you all tried that already? Did it work?

Your mother has to want to quit on her own. She has to reach her own bottom...she has to have that moment when her drinking becomes more terrifying than her NOT drinking.

Until she reaches her own bottom, there is nothing you can do for her.

What you CAN do, is work on yourself. This is a lot for a daughter to have to grow up with, this is very hard on us....my father was an alcoholic my whole life growing up, my mother now drinks at night...sometimes falls down and hurts herself, and now my oldest brother is in the hospital on dialysis and has liver damage from drinking., and my ex of 11 years is an opiate addict.

And in each scenario, there are family members that are enablers, and just flat out refuse to see there is a problem. I can't change them either.

How much more of other people's chaos can you endure, before you, yourself start to break down?

Good to know you are going to a meeting. There is a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie that is a great read, and many of us here have and are reading. Might be a good weekend plan until your meeting on Monday.

You have us here, and I am so glad you came. SR and the people on here have really helped me learn how to get my own life back... it's a great start for you!

Have a great day sass.