Noday-thanks a million for asking. I am better today than I was yesterday, and yesterday was better than the day before.
I attended my first Al-Anon meeting last night. While I knew that other people who would be attending have walked the same path I currently am, it was still a huge relief to be around others who have been there, done that and some a couple of times.
I realized that over the past year I went through my anger phase; oh heck I was raving mad most of the time. It did not take much to irriate me, which I feel was what finally gave me the push to make him leave. Of course this came after almost 2 years of me feeling like it was my fault or that I wasnt doing enough or that I was failing because I couldn't help him get better.
I still feel bad for making him leave, bring him back and then making him leave again. I did not bail him out of jail when he got caught stealing, of course he was drunk when it happened. I did, however call his boss for him and lie on his behalf. While I did not want to cover for him, I would have hated to see him lose the job he has. Clearly if I had, maybe he would have gotten this third round of help back in April instead of November.
Hindsight is 20/20 and clearly no need to delve in it-can't change it!
I am greatful that he made it through rehab and is finally listening to the professional this time; but more so I am greatful that I am seeking the help that I need.
It is quite perplexing to find that you are the one who needs help just as much as the alcoholic. For 2 years I kidded myself that I did not need the help. I mean, why I am not the drunk-he is.
But, the more I opened up--I am not shy so me talking last night was not an issue--the better I felt. I went ahead and made an appointment to see a psychiatrist today to hopefully resolve whatever internal conflict I am dealing with; or better yet NOT dealing with.
He and I had a long talk yesterday and while he has been sober for 33 days today, he has stated that he needs a couple of more months in the sober house and then of course it is a day-by-day journey for him.
My issue is the patience. I have acquired so much over the past 10 years, but apparently I need to acquire a lot more. I suppose I am being selfish, and if he wasnt there when he was drunk, then what the heck is a few more months?
I want to thank those of you who posted to my response last night as your responses were both welcome and needed! I look forward to posting a lot more as I personally feel better when I talk about the issues at hand rather than just sitting and dwelling on them. This has only made the issue worse for me.