Originally Posted by
boskerbear 
It sucks so much that Im working two jobs just to live, and he has everything just given to him. He goes to the food bank to get fed, his "friend's" house to get smokes, and now perhaps unemployment insurance to pay all his bills. Argh, this infuriates me more than anything!!!
When I start thinking that my ex has it easy I force myself to really try and figure out what is going on with me. I wouldn't trade my life for my ex's life of food banks, money begging from family and friends, and sofa surfing for all the tea in China. It is a sad life. I realize that what is really going on is that I am feeling totally overwhelmed and exhausted with
my life. If I can focus on myself I can come up with one or two ideas to lesson the load on me personally and then I feel empowered with my life, rather then infuriated with his. Make sense? For me some of it is also acceptance. I can never have what he promised. The 'shared dream'. Never. It can be a tough pill to swallow even now and if I allow myself to dwell on it all kinds of ugly feelings start to take over.
I was not very successful at detaching until I went mostly no contact. He said and did to many things that kept me in a state of confusion and I would stay obsessed with him and 'us'. Now that I have some time of no contact (visitation discussions and through email only) I can deal with some of the other 'stuff' without so much emotional turmoil. For me, that length of no contact was about 10 months. I still keep it very guarded. IE - I can listen to it without feeling like I'm spinning but I don't feel like I could get involved so I am not lending advice, being a 'friend' or 'companion'. I'd get sucked back in I think and I'm not risking that.
Hang in there. Detaching is a rocky path but the other side is nice.