goldengirl3: You said you were also in recovery. Is that recovery as an addict or in recovery as in being the family member of an addict?
If you are in recovery as an addict, then definitely AA is for you. But not at the same table (or maybe not even the same meeting) as your ex.
If you are in recovery as the family member of an addict, then Alanon or Naranon is for you - not AA. AA meetings are closed meetings, meaning they are for the addicts themselves only. Alanon meetings are also closed meetings, meaning they are for friends/family members only. The reason for that is to avoid the situation you described above. In the situation you experienced above with your ex, neither one of you was able to benefit from the meeting because you were wrapped up in each other's head.
Hope that helps make your decision on how to handle this whole thing.