Just been dumped
Well I am just here trying to pick up the million little pieces and hurting so much.
ABF called me on Sunday and asked if he could see me. I met him at his home. He told me that he loves me deeply. He said he was not lying when he said he wanted to marry me a few months back. He said I mean the world to him BUT......he cant be in a relationship now and needs space. He needs space to heal from his divorce and to address his drinking "problem". I asked him how he planned on doing that and he said he was going to see our pastor. I asked him if he had used me and that all the special times were nothing to him. He said that all our special times he holds so dear to him. He wanted us to still be in contact saying I could still phone him, text him etc but I was not to get upset if he did not respond. I told him that if he still wanted me in his life we could do the space thing but we would need to keep up the contact. I told him I cant go back to being "a friend" as it would just hurt me too much.
As I was leaving having said I am letting him go as he wants, he grabbed me and started to kiss me intimately, I started to cry. He held me in his arms and just kept saying, I love you, I love you so much, believe that. He stroked my hair, held my face and kissed me again. I could tell he was getting aroused - and then I stepped back - I told him I could not do this with him. I asked him if he was certain about this whole thing and he said yes. I walked out the door and said he can text me if he wants because I cant do it.
So here I am devastated. He really is the man I love. I don't understand why, if he loves me so much that he wants "time out" and oh "he cant guarantee anything". Where does that leave me? How can someone share such a deep connection with another person - and we do - can he walk away needing to heal.
I am so broken. Obsessed by the special times.
Heaven help me.