My question really is: Do I deserve to be treated for my pain with long term pain meds?
I think the question should be, "Is it SAFE for me to take narcotics?" Of course you DESERVE to have your pain treated. But obviously narcotics are pretty risky business for you. Your precautions sound pretty good to me, but it would be even better if you could do without. It can take a couple of months to get your endorphins back. If you could get through that, you might not need any more narcs. Hang in there!!
Love, Eddie