well said, Dollydo.
Jackthedog - it took me a long time (and even now I slip) to accept that things (and AH) will not be the way I want. I cannot control him/change him. I can only change myself. I am also a people pleaser and want everyone to think nice of me. This is simply not possible and now I do not even care if his family (and I am sure they do) - think the worst of me. I am answerable only to my inner self and the values that I hold true. And as long as the way I behave aligns with my inner self and values, I do not care what other think of me.