still here
and not recovered yet.
i guess i am not so different from the alcoholic, in that codependency isn't something we can come out of, with just some advice and understanding.
i hesitate to post, as things are still not right at home , son still abusing alcohol when he has money to. but, i guess i have a right to come for support, as well as others i see here, who have struggled for years with these kinds of problems. i know that everyone here does not expect instant recovery. i do not wish to be berated, please. i know my weaknesses.
i am just struggling with how to recover. seems that the things i have heard and learned just seem to be like smoke -fade away and I can't hold onto them.
yes, i know that things must change. i know he is sick, and that i have to not enable him. i just need to figure out how to maintain my sanity until i figure out what to do next. i have always been too impulsive, and react quickly. often to backtrack.
son is working now. trying to pay fines, to get on his own.
the 12 steps are just not helping me. i dont understand how they can. i pray, and wonder why. i need strength, to keep going. but where to find it.
i just want support. tough times. broken heart. my son, sick and too stubborn to admit it to his self.
i hate the alcohol. i cant imagine what some poor people are going through, right at this moment, in their homes. being terrorized. both the drinker and the family. i am feeling overwhelmed with sorrow at the damage that alcohol does. i hope the person who invented alcoholic beverages is burning in hell. imagine adding up all the damage done- it would be impossible to do.
i read the other day, that codependency is not curable. is that true?
how unfair. alcoholism i can understand why, but why cant codependency be cured? what does that mean, exactly? maybe that was someones opinion here.
i have road anxiety, due to ptsd, and cannot find a close meeting. i have trouble with night driving, and the last meeting i went to, i nearly had an anxiety attack. guess i could try to find a day meeting,see if there is one close by.
just sharing, and wanting to be a part of this place, even if i am not doing all the right things , according to some. i am trying to make the right choices, and not enabling . son is doing all his stuff, on his own. getting to work, etc.
but when the alcohol use happens, i feel like i am getting slapped in the face with the message- my son is going to die from alcoholism, if he does not get help. my heart is broken.