Another step forward and feeling good
Quit marriage counseling with AH today and am going to move forward doing my own therapy and Al-anon. With me I brought a list of boundaries and expectations to going back and I gave them to him and stated them very clearly in front of the counselor. The list included quitting drinking with some kind of help (counseling, AA, whatever) for at least 30 days and keeping the house in reasonable order and childproofed or I will not go back to work on the relationship. I also spoke very firmly about AH not seeing the kids unless it was at my parents house (where I am staying) or with his parents because of the incidence on Monday where he "fell asleep" while watching them and didn't feed them dinner. I was so scared going into it that I wouldn't have the courage to move forward, but I did it and it turned out better than I thought. He just sat there and didn't say much of anything and after he left without a word or a glance. I know that him giving me my peace won't last and I pray I will be strong when the reaction from him comes. It is a little hard to stay detached and not think too much about how he is doing right now, but me I am doing good and I feel so free!