First night sober in many months...
Even if I went out at night and did something that didn't involve drinking, I'd come home and drink hard for a couple of hours so I could pass out instead of going to sleep like a normal person. More recently I'd be ready with a bottle tucked under the seat so I could drink on the drive home instead of waiting...stupid, stupid, stupid.
First night sober in months, first night sober in the house I bought a few months ago, it feels very strange. I've been trying to work but obsessively reading old threads on these forums. I really appreciate the supportiveness and no ******** approach you regulars have.
My shoulders are up around my ears I'm so tense and twitchy. I've had about two gallons of soup (cup after cup after cup) and ate all the nutri-grain bars in the house and I'm smoking like a fiend...I guess I am replacing the constant sips of alcohol with food...I remember from past quits having real sugar cravings. I'm scared to go to the store and buy more sweet things because they sell alcohol there...I am NOT feeling real strong about this at the moment! My mouth is literally watering thinking about drinking...ugh.
Even though my past periods of sobriety didn't last, I do remember this: It felt SO good when the cravings subsided and I didn't HAVE to drink. I want to feel like that again. I cannot express how I admire all of you who have stayed strong in your sobriety, be it for days, weeks, months or years. Damn it's difficult.
Off to run a hot bubble bath.