MattM316

Wow, where to start! Apologies for the lengthy post.

Basically I’ve had a problem with alcohol for many years, I would say since I was 18 and now I am 30.
I’m not sure really when it became a problem or why or how it did, but when it gets to the point of drinking every single day, even drinking in the mornings, then obviously the alarm bells start ringing.

My last long term relationship ended over a year ago and this was somewhat due to my alcohol problem. I became paranoid and the level of drinking just escalated.

For years I felt I was in control. I held a job, was rarely off sick and still hold the job which requires quite a lot of responsibility.
But over the past couple of years, for the first time ever, I felt that alcohol was starting to impact on my life.
Whereas before I could drink everyday and be fine, things started getting harder.
I started having serious trouble sleeping (was lucky to get more than an hour a night) and I was prone to getting what felt like panic attacks and occasionally hallucinations at night.
Now, I’m one of those people who only ever go to see a doctor if they think they are dying, if I found black bubous growing under my arm I’d probably say “ah I’ll leave it for a bit and see how bad it gets”!
But I could feel my health was going downhill. This was partly to do with anxiety about my relationship at the time, but a lot to do with being an alcoholic.

At first I was put on Tamazepam and vitamin B pills and I was happy with my doctor, she seemed genuinely nice and concerned.
I had blood tests and also an ultrascan, but overall there was nothing really abnormal about my liver. Surprisingly.
I aimed to cut down on drinking but that didn’t last long and I was back to normal. Then 4 weeks ago it all changed.

Bear with me here, it’s a catalogue of disasters!
About 4 weeks ago I had a really bad toothache, it was so bad I could not go into work on the Thursday, one of the worst pains ever.
On that day all of my workmates were going to come out in town for my 30th birthday as it was my birthday on the Friday. Some of them had travelled a long way to go out so altho I was in pain I felt I had to go out, so I took A LOT of painkillers and went out.
Stupidly, many shots and pints were drank and by about 10pm the combination of painkillers and alcohol hit home and I had to go home as I was struggling to stand up.
I had to take the Friday off work too, saw an emergency dentist and got my tooth sorted.
She gave me Amoxcillin to take, so on Friday and Saturday I did not drink any alcohol because I was taking that.
Now it gets interesting….

On the Saturday night I felt that something was very wrong. Everytime I closed my eyes to try and sleep, my head was just racing with images, one after the other, just images of the most random things and people in the most random situations. My heart was racing and all I could do was sit straight up to make it go away.
I had read a lot about alcohol withdrawal issues and hallucinations etc and had had a similar thing before, but this time it felt worse. It was so bad that at about 2am I woke my Dad and gave him a printout about it and said I felt something was wrong.
Anyway there was not a great deal we could do then so after no sleep I went downstairs at about 8am to watch tv.
The next thing I know, I’m waking up with paramedics stood around me.
I have NO recollection of this, but apparently my Dad walked into the room and I was having a full on seizure on the sofa.
I was rushed to hospital and I had two more seizures that evening. But again, no memory of them at all, I wouldn’t have known unless I was told.
I was on a drip, having blood taken, blood pressure taken etc and it was obvious that alcohol withdrawal had caused these seizures.
Then I got the doctors to look at my infected toe. Believe it or not I had an ingrowing toenail for atleast 14 years. People had gone on at me to get it sorted but I didn’t. They x-rayed the toe and it was badly infected to the bone and this had caused some blood poisoning.
There was a chance the toe may have to be amputated but I had an operation on it and it seems to be healing well.

THEN it got worse!
When I first got into hospital I felt my shoulder was hurting a bit. After a couple of days it was bruising badly and swelling, then after that I could barely raise my arm.
I had an MRI xray and it turned out that I had very badly broken my shoulder and upper arm.
How I did it? No idea.
The doctors say it was a trauma break and it could not happen simply by falling onto it, it was more like a break someone would get from being hit by a car.
I still think I must have done it somehow whilst having a seizure but I don’t know. Either way I had to have a 5 hour operation on it, a metal plate and pins put in it, and a 12 week recovery period. I still haven’t got to the rehab/physic stage of things yet and it’s still in a sling.


I was in hospital for over 2 weeks and am now home healing my shoulder.
When I was there I spoke to a couple of doctors about my alcohol issues and next Tuesday I am seeing a specialist alcohol nurse aswell as going to rehab my shoulder.
I haven't drank since the 21st October and it's been fairly easy, the only times it's felt really odd has been when i'm watching football or a film and I don't have a can of beer or cider with me.
But the big test is yet to come - going out and being around people drinking in pubs etc.

I've always thought that I had the willpower to just drink in moderation. Only drink when i'm out or only on weekends etc. But after speaking to the doctors I think it is all or nothing, ie never drink again.

The never drinking again thing is a bit of a shock but I think the doctors realised how bad my drinking was.
I'm looking forward to seeing the alcohol nurse next week and see what she says, and I certainly don't expect this to be as easy as it has so far.