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The worst birthday ever leads to a change.

Old 11-23-2010, 11:33 AM
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Matt M
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The worst birthday ever leads to a change.

Wow, where to start! Apologies for the lengthy post.

Basically I’ve had a problem with alcohol for many years, I would say since I was 18 and now I am 30.
I’m not sure really when it became a problem or why or how it did, but when it gets to the point of drinking every single day, even drinking in the mornings, then obviously the alarm bells start ringing.

My last long term relationship ended over a year ago and this was somewhat due to my alcohol problem. I became paranoid and the level of drinking just escalated.

For years I felt I was in control. I held a job, was rarely off sick and still hold the job which requires quite a lot of responsibility.
But over the past couple of years, for the first time ever, I felt that alcohol was starting to impact on my life.
Whereas before I could drink everyday and be fine, things started getting harder.
I started having serious trouble sleeping (was lucky to get more than an hour a night) and I was prone to getting what felt like panic attacks and occasionally hallucinations at night.
Now, I’m one of those people who only ever go to see a doctor if they think they are dying, if I found black bubous growing under my arm I’d probably say “ah I’ll leave it for a bit and see how bad it gets”!
But I could feel my health was going downhill. This was partly to do with anxiety about my relationship at the time, but a lot to do with being an alcoholic.

At first I was put on Tamazepam and vitamin B pills and I was happy with my doctor, she seemed genuinely nice and concerned.
I had blood tests and also an ultrascan, but overall there was nothing really abnormal about my liver. Surprisingly.
I aimed to cut down on drinking but that didn’t last long and I was back to normal. Then 4 weeks ago it all changed.

Bear with me here, it’s a catalogue of disasters!
About 4 weeks ago I had a really bad toothache, it was so bad I could not go into work on the Thursday, one of the worst pains ever.
On that day all of my workmates were going to come out in town for my 30th birthday as it was my birthday on the Friday. Some of them had travelled a long way to go out so altho I was in pain I felt I had to go out, so I took A LOT of painkillers and went out.
Stupidly, many shots and pints were drank and by about 10pm the combination of painkillers and alcohol hit home and I had to go home as I was struggling to stand up.
I had to take the Friday off work too, saw an emergency dentist and got my tooth sorted.
She gave me Amoxcillin to take, so on Friday and Saturday I did not drink any alcohol because I was taking that.
Now it gets interesting….

On the Saturday night I felt that something was very wrong. Everytime I closed my eyes to try and sleep, my head was just racing with images, one after the other, just images of the most random things and people in the most random situations. My heart was racing and all I could do was sit straight up to make it go away.
I had read a lot about alcohol withdrawal issues and hallucinations etc and had had a similar thing before, but this time it felt worse. It was so bad that at about 2am I woke my Dad and gave him a printout about it and said I felt something was wrong.
Anyway there was not a great deal we could do then so after no sleep I went downstairs at about 8am to watch tv.
The next thing I know, I’m waking up with paramedics stood around me.
I have NO recollection of this, but apparently my Dad walked into the room and I was having a full on seizure on the sofa.
I was rushed to hospital and I had two more seizures that evening. But again, no memory of them at all, I wouldn’t have known unless I was told.
I was on a drip, having blood taken, blood pressure taken etc and it was obvious that alcohol withdrawal had caused these seizures.
Then I got the doctors to look at my infected toe. Believe it or not I had an ingrowing toenail for atleast 14 years. People had gone on at me to get it sorted but I didn’t. They x-rayed the toe and it was badly infected to the bone and this had caused some blood poisoning.
There was a chance the toe may have to be amputated but I had an operation on it and it seems to be healing well.

THEN it got worse!
When I first got into hospital I felt my shoulder was hurting a bit. After a couple of days it was bruising badly and swelling, then after that I could barely raise my arm.
I had an MRI xray and it turned out that I had very badly broken my shoulder and upper arm.
How I did it? No idea.
The doctors say it was a trauma break and it could not happen simply by falling onto it, it was more like a break someone would get from being hit by a car.
I still think I must have done it somehow whilst having a seizure but I don’t know. Either way I had to have a 5 hour operation on it, a metal plate and pins put in it, and a 12 week recovery period. I still haven’t got to the rehab/physic stage of things yet and it’s still in a sling.


I was in hospital for over 2 weeks and am now home healing my shoulder.
When I was there I spoke to a couple of doctors about my alcohol issues and next Tuesday I am seeing a specialist alcohol nurse aswell as going to rehab my shoulder.
I haven't drank since the 21st October and it's been fairly easy, the only times it's felt really odd has been when i'm watching football or a film and I don't have a can of beer or cider with me.
But the big test is yet to come - going out and being around people drinking in pubs etc.

I've always thought that I had the willpower to just drink in moderation. Only drink when i'm out or only on weekends etc. But after speaking to the doctors I think it is all or nothing, ie never drink again.

The never drinking again thing is a bit of a shock but I think the doctors realised how bad my drinking was.
I'm looking forward to seeing the alcohol nurse next week and see what she says, and I certainly don't expect this to be as easy as it has so far.
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Old 11-23-2010, 12:22 PM
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Matt,

Yes, seizures are VERY serious: You could die. It's smart of you to stop this insanity cold in its tracks now (before it's too late). You will get loads of support here (so keep reading and posting), but I think you would benefit from some face-to-face contact with a group such as Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery (which you can Google, if you don't know what that is). A lot of people are reluctant to go to AA; I know I was. But I was also desperate, and I was willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. At first I didn't care for the meetings, but I gave them a fair chance (i.e., I went to more than 2 or 3), and something clicked for me. I knew I belonged there.

Yes, going out with friends is going to be tough, and you may decide that for the time being you can't go out at all. Err on the side of caution, and stay away from pubs or any place where drinking is going to be the central focus. You are still too vulnerable at this stage to tempt fate. There's always a way to gracefully decline an invitation if you don't feel like divulging what's really going on right now; honestly, people don't really care, as they are more wrapped up in their own lives.

Welcome to a new way of life. I guarantee it has many gifts to offer, and you don't want to miss out on the next two-thirds of your life!

Take care of yourself this holiday weekend, and remember to keep it in the day (just for today), and let tomorrow take care of itself when it comes.
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Old 11-23-2010, 12:43 PM
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Hi Matt, i am from the UK too, i am thirty seven, alcoholic and sober. For some reason, unfortunately, aa has zero credibility in our country, but for me it has saved my life, look into it mate. AA can do a whole lot more then just help you kick alcohol. Good luck.
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Old 11-23-2010, 01:20 PM
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Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum......

Wow....you really had a drama filled time beginning your
new healthy way of living sober.
Yes! you too can win over alcohol......
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Old 11-23-2010, 01:56 PM
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Matt M
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Originally Posted by viavai View Post
Matt,

Yes, seizures are VERY serious: You could die. It's smart of you to stop this insanity cold in its tracks now (before it's too late). You will get loads of support here (so keep reading and posting),

Yes, going out with friends is going to be tough, and you may decide that for the time being you can't go out at all. Err on the side of caution, and stay away from pubs or any place where drinking is going to be the central focus. You are still too vulnerable at this stage to tempt fate. There's always a way to gracefully decline an invitation if you don't feel like divulging what's really going on right now; honestly, people don't really care, as they are more wrapped up in their own lives.

Yeah I read alot about alcohol withdrawal a while ago. I think it was about a year and a half ago and I decided I wasn't going to drink for 3 months. My girlfriend at the time and others said they bet I couldn't do it, so I was determined.
But then I read alot about how going cold turkey was very dangerous. Unfortunately when I explained this to people they said I was a *****, they knew I wouldn't be able to do it and that it was probably a load of rubbish.
Now I think they know how wrong they were!

I think I could have been a lucky boy here because I had three seizures in one day and that was the 24th October. Since then nothing, so it was lucky I got into hospital and got looked after for a couple of weeks.
Now i'm interested in hearing what the alcohol nurse says on Tuesday and where I go from there.
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:35 AM
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Matt M
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Well just saw the alcohol nurse and it went pretty well.
Basically she said that if I went out and got drunk there is a much much higher chance that I could have more seizures.
I asked if it's possible to have a few pints every now and again socially but she said altho that technically would be OK, it's likely that it could lead to getting back into a rhythm of drinking loads again so she would advise not to drink at all.

Plus i'm going to see some kind of alcohol councelling thing in a few weeks, something I thought I would never do!
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:57 AM
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Wow Matt, thats a crazy story! I'm sorry for all your physical issues, but I am glad you are getting some help for your drinking. Sounds like its about time you called it quits with alcohol! I wish you the best of luck!
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Old 11-30-2010, 10:00 AM
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Those seizures... they can be violent... violent enough to break bones.

Good luck in your recovery.
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