I spent pretty much my whole life, 54 years any way, not believing in a god, and being disgusted with organized religion much like you.
i wasn't "disgusted with it nor did i NOT believe. i have my faith. i just don't throw it around like some people and "groups" do. and i don't discuss it in my every day life. i know its therebut then again i'm the only that needs to know that. but its cetainly not the driving force that makes me who i am.
Man, when I'd finally been brought to my knees and had hurt enough, I guess I got that "fox hole religion" they talk about guys in combat getting. What did it for me was when CPS took my precious 5yo daughter away for 5 months. ENOUGH ALREADY! I started to pray, before I believed BTW, and things began to change, miracle after miracle. My only explanation for some of the things that happened is divine intervention. I'm blessed.
it sounds like you had a tough time of thing and for that i am sorry. i know some people say they have "found" jesus or they have these devine intervention but i just don't get it i guess.
I couldn't deny the presence of something greater than myself taking care of me and lifting my burdens. What a comfort it's been for me these last few years. Lots of struggles since then, life certainly didn't magically get "peachy" or anything, but I have peace and serenity.
I believe once a person experiences serenity, they are hooked. I know I am, I will NEVER give it up for anyone again.
I believe it's a common misconception that Alanon is God centered, our group certainly is not. We all have our own concepts of our higher powers, some chose God, I chose Nature/The Universe, some others chose the collective wisdom of the group.
It's a shame to me when someone decides to make their life/journey harder because of a misconception, without ever even being open to at least checking out a different way. That's totally up to you.
please do not call it a misconception simply because i don't see things the way you do....i gave religion a big try, when i was young and when i was older. i'm now 51 and i doubt any time soon that i will be a church goer. but i can pray inside myself. i just dont understand how its going to make my husband stop drinking! or how its going to make me feel better about myself because of it. i lived alone before i married him (he's my 2nd husband) and i was perfectly serene! i was at peace... then he happened and all hell broke loose. now can i blame god for letting me get married to an alcoholic? If he's the answer to everything then maybe he's also the cause of it too.
None of us can cross BACK over that bridge and carry others across against their will, all I can do is try to cheer you on from the other side.
thank you for that....
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote