SpiritualSeeker, I'm deeply saddened and sorry for the loss of Travis. Heroin is a thief. It's the worst garbage on the planet. It's a killer. It's robbed me of my big brother, and my niece of her daddy.I hate it with passion. Life is cruel and torturously painful at times. Every mother of an addict knows that. Losing your only child is the ultimate pain and heartache. It's worse than anything else in the world. Nothing can be more devastating. Especially for a mother. There is nothing worse. Your heart has been torn apart, trampled on, and stuffed back into your chest. Never to be the same again. Your life is forever changed due to the loss of Travis.
Our children are part of us, and when they hurt, we hurt. When they die, we die with them. Even though you are still here, part of you is gone too. The biggest part of you. The truth is that we love our children more than we could ever love ourselves. The bottom line is that life isn't fair. Its devastatingly unfair to say the least. There are no words to comfort a grieving mother. None. Silence is better than some of the stupid things people say, in an attempt to show empathy. Nothing can take that pain out of your heart. There's just a big void, and an unending ache in the spot that belongs to Travis. The joy that you felt for him, is now replaced with grief and sorrow. Hang on to all of your precious memories of your beautiful child. Remember the joy of being his mom. Put all of his pictures around, and remember that he will always be your son. ALWAYS. He is yours into eternity. Forever and ever. You are Travis's mom infinitely. Nothing can change that. Not even his death can change that. He was here because you gave him life. He's a part of you. Nothing can change the fact that you are his mother. You always will be.
You are the most beautiful, remarkably incredible woman, I have ever had the honor to know. You have helped me as the mother of an addict, to face my own fears, and to live in the day. You helped me to enjoy my addict son, for today. Because you know that I fear what your living. You and I both know, that even though my son is clean, that things can change in a second. I admire you more than you know. Not because you lost your son, and your hurting. I don't admire your pain. I hurt right along with you. I admire you for who you are as a person. How you deal with the rotten hand that life has dealt you. I admire your intelligence, strength, and caring heart. How you've reached out to me and so many others. Your courage has made me stop whining and saying poor me. Knowing what your dealing with, and the way you handle it, makes me realize that I'm a wimp. It's your pain that put us together here on this site. But it's your kindness and friendship that makes me like and love you.
My prayer is for you to realize that even though your suffering with grief and despair right now, that your life is still so valuable. Not only to me,( but by the looks of the replies you've gotten), to everyone here. All of these posts have touched my heart. They are so beautiful, and heartfelt. I cried reading them. My prayer is that you once again, find the happiness and peace that you deserve. Travis wouldn't want you sad and suffering. Your son loves you and would want you to enjoy your life. I hope that you find healing and comfort in time. I hope that the place in your heart that belongs to Travis, will feel joy and happiness again. Replace that pain, with all of the beautiful memories from Travis's life. Celebrate his life. Even though you must grieve. He was here for 26 years. That's alot of love to remember. My faith has taught me that you will see your son again. Heaven is where we will meet our loved ones who have died. LOVE NEVER ENDS. You will always love your son, and he will always love you. ♥♥♥ That love will never die. ♥♥♥((((((((((((((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))))) ))))))) ♥♥♥