I'm an only child of an only child, and started my own little family about 2 or 3 decades "behind" schedule. My FOO are all gone and have been for years.
When the wheels fell off, and I had my "trudging through hell" years, I had no where to turn.....almost.
Luckily, a higher power in the form of a CPS judge, "sentenced " me to Alanon. With out her "suggestion", I probably wouldn't have stuck with it long enough for it to take.
Any way, those "strangers" helped me through things that most blood relatives would have thrown up their hands over. They have become my surrogate family.
LMC (Little Miss Coyote) and I were adopted by a wonderful woman and her whole family. Now I have a "sister" and LMC has an "auntie" who makes a point to spend quality time with her, modeling good behavior and doing the things an involved "blood" aunt would do.
We get to "choose" our family. It actually works much better this way if you think about it and keep an open mind. You are free to choose you own family as well, even if yours aren't dead yet!
We have a saying, "Stop going to the hardware store for bread". IOW, don't waste any more time trying to get your needs met from your mom, she doesn't have it in her to give, and isn't likely to suddenly acquire "it" any time soon, unless SHE were to get into recovery herself.
Keep coming back, here and Alanon. I mean, how can you NOT get your needs met in a room full of codies.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote