thank you all so much. i do try to "find" myself in all of this. but its really hard. all i can see are his demons. talking does no good either. even when he agrees with me. i think he only does it to pacify the moment....then onto the next bout of drinking..... i know you all have faith that i will one day see the light and be able to find peace for myself, but right now it seems so far away. i do appreciate you all being here and for having others to talk to who can relate.