ok.
Deep breath mama.
I know how easy it is to work oneself into a frenzy when feeling trapped. Ask me how I know...I'm NoDay, Queen of Awfulizing!
First off, give yourself a break. When you married this man, there wasn't a blinking neon sign above his head that said: "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A DANGER ZONE; ALCOHOLISM IN PROGRESS". And even if there were, you may not have been ready to accept it.
But it seems to me you're ready now. Your gut is telling you it's over. And you can see those glaring red flags when your AH tries to burden you with HIS recovery. You are entirely right to recoil from that responsibility:
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CURE it
You can't CONTROL it
His recovery is his business alone and whether you want to or not (I'm glad to see you don't want to), you have no power over his addiction.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to set some boundaries and enforce them. If he wants to do x,y,z, to get better, then good for him. You've got 2 kids and your own issues to tackle.