littlesoul,
There is no power, no force, no fear, no habit in all this universe that is greater than the love of God. God is the pinnacle of all philosophy, the ultimate knowledge, and the source of all that is good in the world. You can trust God. God's love is unconditional, freeing, and always available. God has no boundaries and no limits. You have taken a step toward God by posting here and by being honest with yourself. Don't stop now. Once you experience the intoxicating effect of God's love in your life you will know why people throughout history have pursued God. Open yourself up to the possibility of God healing your life.