littlesoul

Good Morning. I'm writing to ask for your help to get through this day without drinking. Every morning I tell myself this is the day. I can do this, but I don't see it through. I feel so afraid of this thing that has an iron clad grip on me. I don't know how to surrender to God. I don't know how to embrace this suffering as a gift. I've been reading about ego and old habit energies. I've been trying to just get comfortable with the cravings that constantly roll through me like powerful waves. I've been trying to let them come and go - peacefully. Somehow, I always cave in - switch to auto pilot and in a way disappear (for a while anyway). I'm counting the minutes until noon so I can go the grocery store and pretend I need food when the only thing I need is wine. I've been drinking for a long time and I drink every day. Somehow, it hasn't ruined my marriage or my job. But I feel ruined. I really would appreciate your advice. I've been visiting this site and you inspire me.

TorontoGuy28

Hi - have you tried a local AA meeting ? That would be my immediate advise vs. going to grocery shop for wine.. Reach out, ask for help from others like us who understand and have been where you are now..

Opivotal

Welcome Littlesoul,

I would suggest you see your Doctor if you've been drinking for a while. You have to switch up the message in your brain. Keep repeating over and over in your mind NO, NO NO. Alcohol is destroying my body and soul. You have to want this more than you want to drink. I think I would head off to AA and stay away from the store today! Anything to keep your mind occupied. I spent the day here reading day and night to fight the urge to drink. Once day 1 is over you can get through the next a little easier. If you continue to drink everday and do the same things the results will be no different.

Try something different today!

Ten0fnine

I've done this so many times myself.

I've just... passed through my first complete day alcohol free in a very long time.

I'm questioning it. Playing that little game in my head where I'm trying to justify doing something I really don't want to do. To make matters worse, I'm going through some moderate withdrawal symptoms.

I think, right now, a pint would make me feel better. But I know it wouldn't, because then I'd spiral through the anger and the self hatred attached to wasting yet another day of my life. A pint always turns into a 5th.

I really don't have a tidbit of wisdom or sound advice that can change the course of your life in an instant. All I know, is that under this same sky, you aren't the only one who's going to struggle to talk themselves out of having another drink today.

You'll be in my thoughts.

least

Yes, please do see your doctor for help in getting safely thru the initial physical withdrawal. And then look for something, anything, be it AA or another program, or counseling, to help you stay sober. Please get help to stop before something awful happens to you and you become another sad statistic.

Isaiah

Hey littlesoul,

Sorry to hear the anxiety is running high. I think you've got some good ideas going and maybe a little too much excess.

It's good that you're looking at the immediate time ahead, and that you recognize that going to the store is a subtle drinking urge in disguise. As for surrendering to God and embracing suffering... if it's not working for you, just stop. You can't force these things to happen. Maybe you will in time, but for now don't overwhelm yourself.

And keep in mind that early sobriety (even later) is always ping ponging between wanting to be sober and wanting to drink. That indecision confuses ever alcoholic and drives us crazy. You seem to recognize wanting to drink, accept that, don't try to erase that thought, and don't act on it for the next hour, then the next hour, etc.

And AA is also a good idea. There are 7pm meetings in Sterling Heights and Mt. Clemens. Alcoholics Anonymous General Services of Southeast Michigan - Area 33 if you want to browse more. You can just go for today. You wont have to join, you wont have to talk. But hearing other stories and seeing alcoholics in recovery might give you an inspirational boost.

Zebra1275

I've been there, counting the minutes until noon on a Sunday so that I could buy beer.

The good news is that you don't have to feel this way ever again. I'm sure there is a noon AA meeting somewhere near you, go to that and tell them that it's your first AA meeting. A lot of people will offer their help. You should also see a Dr. for medical help with withdrawal. You could try the ER at a local hospital, or a walk in "prompt care clinic." You can get through this, but you need to take active steps to do so.

julez

Hi Littlesoul! Aw hon, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Please know there are a heck of a lot of us here that have felt the same, and its a struggle for us too.
I recently started AA and its brought me a certain sense of calm. My attempts to stop drinking before were riddled with anxiety, frustration and bitterness. Maybe instead of going to the grocery store, you should head to the bookstore and look at a couple recovery books. I read a couple until I got up the courage to walk into a meeting. Today begins a new week. Time for some new habits! You'll be in my thoughts!

coop1

Welcome Little Soul, this my day 3, therefore I don't have a whole lot of advice. But, if you are anything like me you have been contemplating reaching out for some time. I think by coming here you have taken a big first step. Stay here, talk, read, listen...it is really helping me a lot. Good luck, I hope you can make through today.

viavai

Hi, Littlesoul:

I don't want to reiterate what others have already advised, so I'll just share my experience. I am newly sober (21 days) after a relapse, and I have finally (I hope) surrendered. This time I wasn't drinking daily or to excess, but the first time I got sober (4+ years ago), I was a heavy, daily wine drinker; and I HAD to go to medical, in-patient detox. I was drinking so much and so steadily that I knew I was a high-risk candidate for seizures (which can kill). It was the best, most well-advised decision for me, and it gave me the physical foundation upon which my mental foundation could take root.

Stay well, and try to avoid the grocery store at all costs! If you're feeling physically ill, please seek medical advice/supervision (e.g., the ER). Take care of yourself.

You have your whole life ahead of you, please know that.

Sean4988

To surreneder to God you have to get to the third step. Then you have to do the 4th to remove that which is blocking you from God, self, resentments, pride, etc., Once you do this, your perception of your entire world with change.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

It's always wise to check with your doctor before de toxing
from alcohol. Be both sober and safe....

Please read this link for info.....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Glad to know you are interested in living sober

pongo

littlesoul,
There is no power, no force, no fear, no habit in all this universe that is greater than the love of God. God is the pinnacle of all philosophy, the ultimate knowledge, and the source of all that is good in the world. You can trust God. God's love is unconditional, freeing, and always available. God has no boundaries and no limits. You have taken a step toward God by posting here and by being honest with yourself. Don't stop now. Once you experience the intoxicating effect of God's love in your life you will know why people throughout history have pursued God. Open yourself up to the possibility of God healing your life.

kdr143

Today I pray over the things I use to drink over

You have to remember how miserable it really is living as a drunk

muah

LaFemme

Hi littlesoul...just sending you positive thoughts. I hope you are well and didn't go to the grocery today...I used to do that too...oops, I really want to make a Risotto, but I don't have an onion and I need an onion to make a Risotto so ill just run to the store to get an onion and what the heck lets get a couple of liters of wine at the same time and away I went.

A new life can be yours...I hated it when people said that when I couldn't stop but look at what happened...they were rightand now I'm one of those annoying people telling you its possible. If a wretch like me can get sober...anyone can:-)

Stang

I went to the grocery store yesterday and didn't notice the beer cooler while I was there.....HAWWWWWW!!! Bite my ass alcohol!!!

SSIL75

I remember the feeling well Different things are going to work for different people. Surrendering to God or whatever would have resonated with me. Instead I had to focus on health. That for one day I would have a healthy day with no alcohol, some specific food, gym at ___ time. A book at ___ time. I had to plan out my day in advance and then I did some visualiation exercises in bed to show the 'sane/sober' me taking control from the insane/alcoholic me.

I did this for a while (not terribly long) and at some point my new life gained momentum.

I would ride out cravings the same way I did when I was quitting smoking. I'd give myself a time frame. "If I'm still craving wine as much in half an hour (or less) then I'll come up with a different plan".

That whole approach worked enough to get me some sober time. enough to get a glimpse of how wonderful it could be. And at some point then I had to make the decision that any alcohol at all (ie - 'moderation') took more effort than it was worth. And that me and alcohol had to part ways, forever. I had to completely disengage from alcohol and accept that I can not and will not ever be able to drink normally.

So for me, I kind of got sober gradually. Pockets of sobriety where I saw the light. The dawning realization that every time I drank again I'd go back to that low level depression. The obsession etc. I was done.

Best of luck to you.

Anna

Hi,

I know that changing routines in the early days, was really helpful to me.

Instead of going to the grocery store at noon, meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk, do something that is different.

And, I hope you have talked to your dr about stopping drinking.