Welcome Ian! You have our support.
I know for myself that I wasn't uninhibited when I drank. I was quite the fun loving, goofy social drinker once upon a time. Over time I began to drink more and more and couldn't stop at just one or two. I drank to cope, deal, escape - whatever you want - fill in the blank.
What did happen when i drank was I became very depressed and angry. I wasn't proud to drink and I was using alcohol for ALL the wrong reasons. I don't remember most of what I said but when I drank nothing made sense to me. I would argue or cry, etc. I really loathed life and myself and the anger I had was due to issues that should have been addressed with face to face support a long time ago.
Point is that over time I was on self destruct with drinking and I had very little self worth and confidence. I kept drinking even though the negatives were all around me. Kept thinking I could control it, moderate, limit it to certain situations. That didn't work out so well since I found I couldn't stop and I was an alcoholic. Alcoholic not because I was "diagnosed" but because I knew it. I kept drinking despite the negative consequences.
What did I do? I quit and got into recovery and got help.
What I would say for you is that if you are not the person you know yourself to be when you drink then I would remove alcohol from your life. You obviously don't like who you are when you drink (remember alcohol messes with the brain here) and I wouldn't focus on limiting it to certain situations. Sounds like you are better person sober and wouldn't have the relationship problem you have now had you been sober.
Glad you here. Keep sharing.