New, heres my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
New, heres my story
Hello,
Its a lot, but I don't know where else to go, so PLEASE hear me out.
I have a problem with drinking and I don't know where to go or who to ask, so I'd figure I would start here. I'm pretty sure there's somebody here who has been in my shoes and may be able to give some good advice.
Last night was a horrible night. My girlfriend invited a few people over so we could all go out and have a nice night. We all started off drinking a few beers and things ended up escalating to shots. Everything was fine until her friend started to have heart problems. I honestly thought she was just being a drama queen and was talking bad about her behind her back. Saying how its always her fault and shes bringing the night down. Well, she ended up hearing what I said and it really hurt her feelings and it really offended my girlfriend. I made things right with the friend but not the girl friend.
A little bit after that my girlfriend said I was out of line and I was acting like I usually do when I'm drunk. We started arguing and I snapped on her. I got in her face and cussed her out. I grabbed her cup and threw it across the kitchen. The worst thing is that I don't even remember doing these things. And I know I must have scared her pretty bad.
Now, obviously, because of how I acted we are on a break. She said she needs some time to think about things and so do I. I need to fix me. Now I'm not on this forum for sympathy, I don't deserve it. I want your opinions on why I act out like this in group settings.
If it's just me and a few really close friends drinking, I am fine.
Why do I act out in group situations(bars, big parties, or events) with alcohol?
Why do I act out with people who frustrate me, with alcohol involved?
Why do I act out towards people who I don't even know, with alcohol involved?
When I say "act out" I mean be aggressive, very rude, I'm short with people.
Thank you for listening and hearing me out!
Its a lot, but I don't know where else to go, so PLEASE hear me out.
I have a problem with drinking and I don't know where to go or who to ask, so I'd figure I would start here. I'm pretty sure there's somebody here who has been in my shoes and may be able to give some good advice.
Last night was a horrible night. My girlfriend invited a few people over so we could all go out and have a nice night. We all started off drinking a few beers and things ended up escalating to shots. Everything was fine until her friend started to have heart problems. I honestly thought she was just being a drama queen and was talking bad about her behind her back. Saying how its always her fault and shes bringing the night down. Well, she ended up hearing what I said and it really hurt her feelings and it really offended my girlfriend. I made things right with the friend but not the girl friend.
A little bit after that my girlfriend said I was out of line and I was acting like I usually do when I'm drunk. We started arguing and I snapped on her. I got in her face and cussed her out. I grabbed her cup and threw it across the kitchen. The worst thing is that I don't even remember doing these things. And I know I must have scared her pretty bad.
Now, obviously, because of how I acted we are on a break. She said she needs some time to think about things and so do I. I need to fix me. Now I'm not on this forum for sympathy, I don't deserve it. I want your opinions on why I act out like this in group settings.
If it's just me and a few really close friends drinking, I am fine.
Why do I act out in group situations(bars, big parties, or events) with alcohol?
Why do I act out with people who frustrate me, with alcohol involved?
Why do I act out towards people who I don't even know, with alcohol involved?
When I say "act out" I mean be aggressive, very rude, I'm short with people.
Thank you for listening and hearing me out!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Hi ianmayhem
Welcome
I don't know why you act out in group settings.
I do know I was the same though - if I was going to behave badly it always happened when I was out - never at home...
but then, there was never anyone to act out against at home, or any reason to.
For years I thought that meant my problem was something else other than alcohol....but I realise now I was fooling myself.
Any time alcohol makes you act contrary to how you'd like to act, it's one time too many, I think.
D
Welcome
I don't know why you act out in group settings.
I do know I was the same though - if I was going to behave badly it always happened when I was out - never at home...
but then, there was never anyone to act out against at home, or any reason to.
For years I thought that meant my problem was something else other than alcohol....but I realise now I was fooling myself.
Any time alcohol makes you act contrary to how you'd like to act, it's one time too many, I think.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Alcohol removes inhibitions. We have inhibitions for a reason, without them we can't survive. Why do you think there is so much violence when alcohol is present? Lots of folks loudly exclaim "I ALWAYS SPEAK MY MIND YADA YADA YADA"......total ********! None of us speak and act the way we want 100% of the time and it's a damned good thing we don't! A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
I don't know. I feel like she is giving me a chance to correct myself for good. Here are my suggestions for myself, please let me know your thoughts on it. Whether you disagree or agree, or if you see in potential flaws.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Originally Posted by ianmayhem 
I don't know. I feel like she is giving me a chance to correct myself for good. Here are my suggestions for myself, please let me know your thoughts on it. Whether you disagree or agree, or if you see in potential flaws.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
Alcohol also dehydrates us. The more we drink the thirstier we get. You could switch to water after you get drunk but again my personal experience has told me I won't do that....maybe you can.
I'm 44 and assuming you're a lot younger than me. Ask yourself "Is alcohol causing me problems"? Be HONEST with yourself! If the answer is yes then I would suggest you stop drinking all together no matter what it takes. Remember this it takes one time driving drunk, or flying off the handle with your temper to hurt or even kill someone. You will have to live with this AND go to prison for the best years of your life. There are no free drinks...they will cost you money, relationships, time and heartache.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, ian - I was the kind of drinker that always wanted "Just one more".... and very rarely had much control over my intake once I got started. So, I'm not much help when it comes to stopping once you're drunk.
As for the aggressive behavior, I know it's an issue for some drinkers. There's even a syndrome (called Jekyl/Hyde syndrome) that some drinkers experience, as though they become another person when they drink heavily. Perhaps some others on the forum will have more input on that.
Just wanted to welcome you - I hope you get some answers to your questions. If alcohol creates major problems in your life, have you ever considered cutting way back or stopping altogether?
As for the aggressive behavior, I know it's an issue for some drinkers. There's even a syndrome (called Jekyl/Hyde syndrome) that some drinkers experience, as though they become another person when they drink heavily. Perhaps some others on the forum will have more input on that.
Just wanted to welcome you - I hope you get some answers to your questions. If alcohol creates major problems in your life, have you ever considered cutting way back or stopping altogether?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Stang
If you have the discipline to do that then fine go ahead and try it. I am an alcoholic and once I start that's it I will not stop till I hit the floor. When I wake up I will get more beer and keep going.
Alcohol also dehydrates us. The more we drink the thirstier we get. You could switch to water after you get drunk but again my personal experience has told me I won't do that....maybe you can.
I'm 44 and assuming you're a lot younger than me. Ask yourself "Is alcohol causing me problems"? Be HONEST with yourself! If the answer is yes then I would suggest you stop drinking all together no matter what it takes. Remember this it takes one time driving drunk, or flying off the handle with your temper to hurt or even kill someone. You will have to live with this AND go to prison for the best years of your life. There are no free drinks...they will cost you money, relationships, time and heartache.
Alcohol also dehydrates us. The more we drink the thirstier we get. You could switch to water after you get drunk but again my personal experience has told me I won't do that....maybe you can.
I'm 44 and assuming you're a lot younger than me. Ask yourself "Is alcohol causing me problems"? Be HONEST with yourself! If the answer is yes then I would suggest you stop drinking all together no matter what it takes. Remember this it takes one time driving drunk, or flying off the handle with your temper to hurt or even kill someone. You will have to live with this AND go to prison for the best years of your life. There are no free drinks...they will cost you money, relationships, time and heartache.
It's just that some people jerk me the wrong way when I'm drunk and I become an *******. I don't mean to be, but I become one.
Well, I have got some thinking to do and I have a lot of work ahead of me. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it and stay on track.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Originally Posted by ianmayhem
I don't know. I feel like she is giving me a chance to correct myself for good. Here are my suggestions for myself, please let me know your thoughts on it. Whether you disagree or agree, or if you see in potential flaws.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
How about ONLY drinking when people who I am COMPLETELY fine with. Just to unwind.
No drinking in bars and other big events with potential nags, who will just infuriate me.
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
Stopping after I've started?
I can't help there.If you need to ask for tips on that, my advice is maybe think on this whole deal a little more. Normal drinkers just stop. I've seen them do it. It baffles me LOL.
As for only drinking in certain situations..how do you know for sure you're going to be completely fine with people all night for example?
I dunno about you but alcohol has a nasty way of changing the rules for me, and without any predictability or even warning at all....
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Ian! You have our support.
I know for myself that I wasn't uninhibited when I drank. I was quite the fun loving, goofy social drinker once upon a time. Over time I began to drink more and more and couldn't stop at just one or two. I drank to cope, deal, escape - whatever you want - fill in the blank.
What did happen when i drank was I became very depressed and angry. I wasn't proud to drink and I was using alcohol for ALL the wrong reasons. I don't remember most of what I said but when I drank nothing made sense to me. I would argue or cry, etc. I really loathed life and myself and the anger I had was due to issues that should have been addressed with face to face support a long time ago.
Point is that over time I was on self destruct with drinking and I had very little self worth and confidence. I kept drinking even though the negatives were all around me. Kept thinking I could control it, moderate, limit it to certain situations. That didn't work out so well since I found I couldn't stop and I was an alcoholic. Alcoholic not because I was "diagnosed" but because I knew it. I kept drinking despite the negative consequences.
What did I do? I quit and got into recovery and got help.
What I would say for you is that if you are not the person you know yourself to be when you drink then I would remove alcohol from your life. You obviously don't like who you are when you drink (remember alcohol messes with the brain here) and I wouldn't focus on limiting it to certain situations. Sounds like you are better person sober and wouldn't have the relationship problem you have now had you been sober.
Glad you here. Keep sharing.
I know for myself that I wasn't uninhibited when I drank. I was quite the fun loving, goofy social drinker once upon a time. Over time I began to drink more and more and couldn't stop at just one or two. I drank to cope, deal, escape - whatever you want - fill in the blank.
What did happen when i drank was I became very depressed and angry. I wasn't proud to drink and I was using alcohol for ALL the wrong reasons. I don't remember most of what I said but when I drank nothing made sense to me. I would argue or cry, etc. I really loathed life and myself and the anger I had was due to issues that should have been addressed with face to face support a long time ago.
Point is that over time I was on self destruct with drinking and I had very little self worth and confidence. I kept drinking even though the negatives were all around me. Kept thinking I could control it, moderate, limit it to certain situations. That didn't work out so well since I found I couldn't stop and I was an alcoholic. Alcoholic not because I was "diagnosed" but because I knew it. I kept drinking despite the negative consequences.
What did I do? I quit and got into recovery and got help.
What I would say for you is that if you are not the person you know yourself to be when you drink then I would remove alcohol from your life. You obviously don't like who you are when you drink (remember alcohol messes with the brain here) and I wouldn't focus on limiting it to certain situations. Sounds like you are better person sober and wouldn't have the relationship problem you have now had you been sober.
Glad you here. Keep sharing.
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
Hi Ianmayhem - Welcome here.
Quoting you:
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
I wish I had the answer to that one!
Yes, I do know that feeling. Most of the time I just can't stop drinking once I get started. And, my personality changes when I drink. I might be witty during the first drink but then my jokes run thin and can be on the vulgar side. I am usually quite sensetive to situations - but when drunk I'm just a stupid jerk.
I've tried a few strategies: drinking only with my drinking buddies, drinking only at home, not drinking at home, drinking instead of answering the person who made me mad... nothing really solved the issues I have when I do drink. I've even tried not drinking for a few weeks and then control my intake. Doesn't help - it's just a question of time until I behave in a way that fills me with great shame and disgust.
I know that abstinence is the only answer for me.
But, please - try controlled drinking or temporary abstinence. It might work for you.
hang around - there is a lot of wisdom here.
vee
Quoting you:
Also, what are some tips to stop drinking when I am already drunk, and I dont need to be drinking anymore. Because as some of you may know, when you are drunk and you know you have probably had enough, you cant stop because the "drunk me" inhibitions go out the window.
I wish I had the answer to that one!
Yes, I do know that feeling. Most of the time I just can't stop drinking once I get started. And, my personality changes when I drink. I might be witty during the first drink but then my jokes run thin and can be on the vulgar side. I am usually quite sensetive to situations - but when drunk I'm just a stupid jerk.
I've tried a few strategies: drinking only with my drinking buddies, drinking only at home, not drinking at home, drinking instead of answering the person who made me mad... nothing really solved the issues I have when I do drink. I've even tried not drinking for a few weeks and then control my intake. Doesn't help - it's just a question of time until I behave in a way that fills me with great shame and disgust.
I know that abstinence is the only answer for me.
But, please - try controlled drinking or temporary abstinence. It might work for you.
hang around - there is a lot of wisdom here.
vee
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,745
Welcome! I spent two years trying to control my drinking. Never could. The only way for me to live a happy peaceful life was to give it up completely... which I did 11 months ago. I don't miss it at all now and love my new sober life. I hope you can find your solution.
I spent two years trying to control my drinking. Never could. The only way for me to live a happy peaceful life was to give it up completely... which I did 11 months ago. I don't miss it at all now and love my new sober life. I hope you can find your solution. Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello and welcme,
WE lose control with our drinking because alcoholism is a progressive disease...In early drinking it appears that most are having a good time...I could control my drinking ad I actually was a joy to be around...As the disease progressed my personality completely changed...I was vicious, unhappy, and uncontrolable...I was not nice to be around....
So it looks like you have decisions to make...IF you don't like where alcohol has brought you, then you need to stop...You need to decide if you are alcoholic...You need to ask for help...
I have been sober over two years and I like me today...
Hope to see more of you here....
WE lose control with our drinking because alcoholism is a progressive disease...In early drinking it appears that most are having a good time...I could control my drinking ad I actually was a joy to be around...As the disease progressed my personality completely changed...I was vicious, unhappy, and uncontrolable...I was not nice to be around....
So it looks like you have decisions to make...IF you don't like where alcohol has brought you, then you need to stop...You need to decide if you are alcoholic...You need to ask for help...
I have been sober over two years and I like me today...
Hope to see more of you here....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
It seems Ian that you feel that you do have a problem with alcohol but do not really want to give it up just yet? You seem conflicted I think really only you can decide if you do have a problem (which from your first post you seem like you feel you do). I would question this - how long before you start acting out towards the people you do know and care about? This is what started to happen to me. Of course, by then I was blacking out and not remembering it. 
It is a progressive problem so if you feel it is an issue now best to address it now before it gets worse. Stick around here, read and post because you will find some great support and advice here. Welcome to SR Ian.
It is a progressive problem so if you feel it is an issue now best to address it now before it gets worse. Stick around here, read and post because you will find some great support and advice here. Welcome to SR Ian.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
It was hard for me to give it up, too. I spent many years trying to control where I drank, when, the amount, the type of alcohol.. and all that worked, temporarily, but I always ended up back where I was. Drinking too much, too often, and doing things I regretted. The logical thing to me, in your case, would be to quit drinking.. why hold on to something that's giving you so much trouble.. unless you're unwilling to give it up, or unable to, which also speaks to what you're facing here. I desperately tried to hold one.. with everything I had. "If I only drink at bars, no predrinking", "If I only drink once a week, once a month" "if I just drink beer".. I was bargaining so that I could keep alcohol in my life. Because I was terrified of living without it. Because I was quite dependent on it, in a lot of ways. I'm really happy to be free of that type of crutch. I hope your way works, we'll be here if you need support when it doesn't.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Welcome Ian.
As far as stopping drinking after you're drunk and have had enough, I could never do that. Its one of my personal red flags that I have a drinking problem. My husband on the other hand, can drink, feel it, and can say "I've had enough" Its so weird to me that he can do that!
It doesn't sound to me like you are ready to quit altogether, and thats ok. Do some experimenting for now. Try and not drink for 3 months. See if you can make it, see how hard it is, or if you feel miserable about it.
It isn't how much or how often you drink...its what happens to you when you DO drink. Honestly, when I was on the fence about whether I needed to quit for good, I came here and read and looked for similarities between me and the posters here. It does no good to look at the differences, or say, well I'm not THAT bad.
I hope you find your truth.
As far as stopping drinking after you're drunk and have had enough, I could never do that. Its one of my personal red flags that I have a drinking problem. My husband on the other hand, can drink, feel it, and can say "I've had enough" Its so weird to me that he can do that!
It doesn't sound to me like you are ready to quit altogether, and thats ok. Do some experimenting for now. Try and not drink for 3 months. See if you can make it, see how hard it is, or if you feel miserable about it.
It isn't how much or how often you drink...its what happens to you when you DO drink. Honestly, when I was on the fence about whether I needed to quit for good, I came here and read and looked for similarities between me and the posters here. It does no good to look at the differences, or say, well I'm not THAT bad.
I hope you find your truth.
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