Hey there Sarah
I found that in my recovery there are two _different_ secrets. One secret is the one the alkies demand in order to protect themselves. The other is the one _I_ need to protect myself.
When I first got into recovery I had no idea how to maintain boundaries to protect _me_, so I would either say too much to people who weren't deserving of my trust, or I would say nothing. Both are equally harmful to me. What I did was take some time to learn about boundaries, learn how to "test" people for "red flags", how to get their opinion about items in news as a way to judge how they would judge me.
Once I learned how to do that, which meant I had become enough of a "self-parent" to protect my inner child, then I was able to _slowly_ share a few things with a few people. Some reacted well, and I shared a little more. Some did not and I shared nothing more.
Martyrdom and paranoid secrecy is what my parents were all about. As a healthy adult I am about healthy boundaries and friends that have proven they will respect them.
Mike