I really believe that yes, my sobriety is the fulcrum on which all the other compartments of my life are balancing...lose that balance, and everything is gone.
I had troubles.
I was disabled with all the physical and mental obstancles that brings, I had many financial worries, personal and professional...I had many responsibilities to other people.
I had no respite. No way to ever stop being me. No way to run away for a little while.
No way - except drink and drug.
I went through those points of 'everything is too much and I cannot cope with a drink' and 'everything is that far screwed, a drink is not going to matter'.
I know now both of those statements are untrue. And lemme tell ya neither of them really matter a damn when you're lying on your bathroom floor and you know you're gonna die if you don't get help.
I don't recommend it but nearly dying has a surefire way of making your priorities crystal clear.
I had to look at why I wanted to run away tmbg - why I needed respite - and why, despite the fact that alcohol was spectacularly ineffective in dealing with my problems, and despite the fact it was often catastrophic in results I still returned to it again and again.
I had to work out why I didn't really want to look for other ways to deal with things....and take steps to remedy that.
It wasn't easy but I'm glad every I did it. That thing that doesn't want to be stopped? It got stopped, big time.
Don't follow me down the road as far as I went tmbg...
Don't wait til later to work all this out.
D