Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST

Just a quick post to outline the crucial importance of recognising self-pity and lack of gratitude when it strikes. It can strike quickly too, it struck me quickly today. I know why and I can easily rationalise it as being perfectly reaonable too. Sometimes I can just get frustrated and seem like my life moves too slowly and is boring compared to other's. Again comparison ain't no good for anybody.

When self-pity creeps in to my thinking then I can easily think about my old pals who i used to get wrecked with. I can think about how I will never be able to take my favourite drugs like ecstacy and acid ever again. I can think about how I can't ever cut loose with booze and drugs and music and can start to to get a tad uncomfortable. I can think about how much I loved taking drugs at somebody's house for entertainment. I loved the psychedelia and all that so just cause I don't take drugs anymore doesn't mean I don't still love it.
i can feel it's a shame to deny myself those experiences at 24, afterall to me I love them so much, easier and less hassle.

Just because I'm an alcoholic and addict doesn't mean that I gave drugs and booze up because I didn't relate to parties, clubbing, pubs and generally the chemical generation. That was where I felt most at home and I can easily think that it's a shame that I can't do that again.

I guess it's the time of year creeping in too. Sometimes I can think that I could make the most of the upcoming month off during xmas and the new year and just go out and get wrecked.

I ain't going to of course, and in fact I ain't in a bad place at all, merely expressing what can run around my alkie head during an hour drive home.

It's easy to get annoyed about AA, meetings and recovery in general when the gratitude and self-pity creeps again. I guess it's the nature of the beast.

One day things will work out hopefully. I guess there's always a 24/7 drunk if all else fails which is something to look forward to I guess. Like I say insane alkie thinking can flash through my mind at times.

peace