Homer, I am not sure if I am getting where you are going with your post. I initially wasn't sure what to say about the gossip (presumed or real) of others, but now that I have taken another look, it seems like you have a number of things to say about what other people think. I wonder if that is a coincidence that it showed up in one post like that or if you are preoccupied with how others perceive you.
One of the thing sI have been thinking about lately is not operating in such a way that the perception of others has so much energy in my head. Sometimes that makes healthy sense, but obviously it should matter to us; it's how we obey laws and communicate and many other things. But there is a way of allowing some good to come out of focusing on what one thinks of oneself. Do you think you would like to put more weight into what you want to see in you and less in what others do?
If you can own what you don't necessarily like, you can also own what you can like. That's something I keep trying to remember, and even have to refer to a piece of paper with notes on it sometimes if I have to. I didn't have a guarantee in my head that it would last when I quit several months ago, only an idea that kind of came up and then going ahead with it, then paying attention to what I was thinking every day, then talking here, and so on. I think it can last for me if I pay attention to the things we are talking about.
By the way, I noticed that you have no spelling errors even though you mentioned you don't like to put a lot into grammar.