TG
I'm so glad that you are realizing that you can't do this alone. It's so much for a mother's heart to carry. It's very difficult to let them find their own way when they seem so very lost. Or at least.....that's what they want us to believe I guess.
This is a great time for you to start thinking about yourself and putting "you" first. It's unimaginable at first....like you said......being a mother is what we DO. But when you get a taste of just taking care of you.....it feels very very good.
gentle hugs from another mother who understands
PS - Everyone here are "your kind". We understand. We care and we will help you through the rough times.