Hi there. I just read your initial post and I could relate to your drinking and the thoughts and emotions you feel after a session. I was wracked with paranoia, anxiety, worry and depression after my drinking binges.
I stopped going out drinking really because of this as like yourself I became paranoid about what I may have said or done to members of staff or other drinkers. So I just drank alone in my room and then on benches when I got threatened with getting kicked out but used to sneak cans and vodka back with me. I was a liability drinking alone too and used to come round from blackouts not remembering if I had left the house and vaguely recalling arguments and crying and shouting but not sure if I dreamt it or not. The anxiety and paranoia was terrible. I found this to be the natural progression of the illness of alcoholism whilst still activiely drinking as those terrible feelings make you drink again to get rid of them.
Reading your second post I also related to in general. The bit about being at the bar and then waking up in your clothes with vomit on the floor and not knowing what the hell happened, man that used to happen most times I would go out to drink.
I'm an alcoholic. I'm 16 months sober today and got sober at 23. For me I had to accept to my innermost self that I'm an alcoholic, I'm also an addict too. I used and continue to use AA, SR, and much wisdom from elsewhere in my recovery.
The real work begins when you put the drink down. Alcoholism is an illness that doesn't go away just because the drink is put down, the drink is merely a symptom in many ways. For me alcoholism is primarily a thinking problem and not a drinking problem so my thinking had to proufoundly change to remain gratefully sober 'one day at a time'.
All The best