Hi Seeker77-
Alcoholism is full of denial my friend. Full of anything we can latch on to to prove to ourselves we are not a bum, drinking under a bridge, wearing a garbage bag for clothes, drinking cheap wine.
Most of us are just "regular" folks with jobs, marriages, cars, children, etc...
We've just simply been born or became "allergic" to alcohol. In short, we've lost all power when it comes to drinking and our choice in that matter. I, honestly, couldn't predict how much and when I'd get drunk. Period. Then the blackouts (or brownouts as you call them) started and my life went downhill pretty quickly (lots of consequences).
Only you can determine if you're al alkie, but your story sounds very familiar in my early stages.
Great job coming here and posting. That took courage. Now whatcha gonna do about it?
Kjell