I know how you feel. I worried that since I had made a big deal out of his drinking, then when he would stop drinking, and his behavior was the same, where did that leave me? So sometimes I caught myself hoping that he would just keep on , keepin' on, so that I wouldn't have to explain to him why it still wasn't enough. Why his nasty, abusive behavior was still unacceptable to me and the kids.
I can understand why you feel immobile. Mine made it easy on me, and left. Talk about relief!
You deserve so much more than what he is dishing out. I hope you can find the courage to do what makes you happy and healthy. H