Nightowl,
I agree with the others,
I do this same "shame-game" too. So I am giving this "advise" to myself too.
This shame serves no purpose but to whip yourself with hate for being human. So what if you made a mistake (if you did), we ALL do. We all stumble. It's one way to learn. It is human to do the best we can, as I'm sure you did at the time. Some people choose to never leave. They just endure misery day after day, year after year, but they are doing the best they can.
This situation was making you sick. You cut your losses. Your children will recognize this in the end. But also ( I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds here), they can, and might pick up on your self hate in subtle ways. Not to put more pressure on you, but the quicker you can model self care ( I know it takes time) the better for your kids. Although, you are also showing them what it is to be imperfectly human , to make mistakes, problem solve and be resilient. GIVE yourself credit for making and showing your children healthy choices!!!
This is a wonderful opportunity to examine why we are attracted to these dysfunctional relationships, using the many tools available to us, this forum, Alanon, Coda, ect. Actually we are lucky, because we have found others just like ourselves to support each other on the path to healthier lives..
Now if I can only take my own advise!!!!
Here is part of a quote from YOU on my very first thread (which was very comforting to me):
"Bravo to you for leaving................. and just remember that you are choosing a HEALTHY life"............. Very simple and to the point, back at you!
Gently, NAD