Oh my word this is such a wonderful inspiration thank you all again so much for your comments and for welcoming me so warmly.
I see lots of others just starting their path like me and look forward to seeing them again, hopefully like me, happily reporting on another day without any poison.
Just starting day 3, feel so much better - the devil will reappear tonight on the way home from work for sure tellling me how can it be that bad if I feel so much better already - I have an imaginary gun to fire at him and will be rushing home to get my fix on here later - I cannot imagine anything more inspiring than all these people wishing me well and giving their wonderful bits of advice, also the thought of getting through the early days with others in the same boat so we can gee each other along.
I just wish I had more time to browse around in here and have a go at the chat. It will definately be something I will be doing at the weekends. Especially those when I dont have the kids (every other weekend) which are my most dangerous as its almost like I impel myself to drink when they are not here - and I deliberately drink from when I get in from work on a Friday, sometimes without sleeping, until often the early hours on Sunday morning, then on Sunday feeling like a wreck I try to force drink down me to just be able to cope then on Monday, whilst I am probably lucky to be alive, I feel like death and like I deserve to die. Now I have this written down, in public as well, I can come back here on one of those Fridays and if I have a single brain cell it should stop me from starting that horrible cycle again.
Today is going to be a good day - by tomorrow things will be more organised for my daughters when they go off to school, a bit of the house will look better than it did before, I will perform better at work and I will be stable enough to be able to plan ahead a bit - even if that just means planning meals a few days in advance so I have everything in or starting on the ironing pile that has been growing for months!
I have proved to myself over and over that I cant drink normally despite really wanting to so I have to let that go now - I've kicked the arse out of it for years and its time to say enough is enough and to try and regain some normality in what I am amazingly lucky to still have in my life - my daughters, my house - maybe one day my self esteem, get my old body back (or lose 3/4 of the current one) and make it up to the people who I have affected through my drinking.
Again, thank you all - I cant wait to come back here later and say I will not be drinking tonight and tomorrow morning report on a clear headed day 4.
xxx