I love this forum, I really do, ((((Nightowl)))) I understand your pain and guilt, anyone that has kids and has posted here I'm sure feels the same. And each of us knows someone who doesn't agree with the way we've handled things whether it's a family member or a so called friend. What are you ashamed for? For loving someone and trying to make it work because you thought it was the best thing at the time? For being human? For some actions you might have taken after or before the split that your not proud of now? We all make mistakes, Thing is doll, you are human, just like me, just like everyone else and yah we are gonna screw up here and there. Sometimes we screw up alot! But we have to realize that, forgive ourselves get back on track and move foreward. I live daily with the guilt of what my 3 kids have had to endure during my time with my AO, esp my 12 year old, because she is old enough to know more. Watching the fights and seeing thier mom fall apart is something I wish I could erase. But I can't, it happened and it's done, I can only try to make it good for here on out. I talk to my 12 yr old alot, ask her how she feels, how she's handling things. Kids are amazingly resiliant, thank god. And they are my main driving force, the thing that is most important to me in my life. I get up everyday, I function, I work, I do it for them and me. You can't erase the past, you can only concentrate on what you do now. Your kids love you, they want you to be happy, your gonna do the best by them if they see you happy and growing stronger. Let the guilt go. Accept it and go foreward. We're here for you.......Hugs! Teggie