boskerbear

Well well well guess who's a sucker? Yep, ME! I wrote on this board less than a month about moving away from my ABF because he was just a huge mess with his drinking. Since then i have visited him twice. It was two weeks ago that i went to see him and he ended up getting into a huge argument with me saying when i left i let him down and he only moved out of his moms house because i said i would be there with him, blah blah blah. So i ended up crying and swearing to myself that i wouldnt put up with that crap anymore. Well i was barely even back home from that visit when we started to text and talk again. He apologized and promised to go to his meetings. I knew it wouldnt make a difference but we texted like usual every day, atleast 50-100 messages a day and he convinced me to come there for halloween. He knows halloween is my fav time of year and two girls that he hangs out with invited us to a party so we went. I felt weird going because i knew the party was at a bar. He was great and didnt touch a drop of booze, infact he bought me a few drinks. It was a fun night. Today i had to leave to come back home due to working tommorrow. I wasnt even home yet when i had a feeling he was drinking. It's odd that i can just pick up that vibe now. I texted and asked if he was drinking and all he said was "ugh". It's been a few hours and no word from him. So he's on a binge. I texted his boss (we get along great) and warned him that my ABF was drinking and probably wouldnt be at work tomorrow. His boss said that if my ABF wasnt there tommorrow then he is getting fired. I hope he means it, cause he's a sucker for my man's smooth talking too.

So here i sit back at my parents house worrying about my ABF. I'm watching tv trying to take my mind off things and of course like a sign from above a commercial for alanon comes on. I know i need to go to a meeting, but i'm so nervous. I'm not good at meeting new people. I hate being judged and always worry about others not liking me. I know i have alot of issues, lol. I dont know what to say when i arrive. And is anyone gonna be around my age (28)? Guess it all depends on the meeting.

I also bought the book codependent no more....it sits on my dresser, I glanced at it once. Looks like a good book with tons of info, i dont know why i havent read it all yet. Maybe i just wanna ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Hahaha yeah we all know that works.

I'll start in on the book today and also try and get some courage to go to a meeting. I know i need to get some stress off of me. I have been watching what i eat and yet i keep gaining weight and my blood pressure is high. Doc asked me if i had stress in my life...i laughed. He told me the belly fat will just keep accumulating until i calm down. I bet the meetings would help, i just need to quit making excuses about why i havent gone.

Thanks for listening. i'm a rambler when i'm worried/stressed/upset, etc