Hi Nightowl,
YOU are not alone and never have to be again if you choose not to be.
How do I get over this?
I don't know how to get over this, but I can share with you how to get through it, and to learn how to live a life second to none.... yours.
I would suggest going to real live face to face Alanon meetings, and tell them exactly what you have told us here.
Shame? The only shame is not doing anything about it.
I know exactly how you feel, and its overwhelming to say the least. I found my answers at Alanon meetings. There are halls full of women and men out there who feel just like you, or felt just like you and they have a solution that works.
Call this number and go through the menu, and there will be a real live human being who will pick up the phone and tell you where the nearest Alanon meeting in your area is.
Call Alanon WorldWide (M-F 8am - 6pm EST)
1.888.4AL-ANON
Patsy