Nightowl,
I am glad your here. I have a little girl and I have said many of the same things to myself. How could I put her around that? How could I let her see me upset and angry all the time? Crying in front of her when I just couldn't help it. It hurts to think....
But you know what? I, like you, am trying to get better. I will talk to her about this when she is older. Right now I let her know she is loved and that Mommy is ok. Because right now I am. I have to forgive myself. For me. For her. You have to too.
The friend situation is painful to hear. Maybe you need some new friends. I read this great book once called Balcony People. It talked about how everyone in our life is either up on our balcony cheering us on and being supportive, or they are in our basement keeping us down.
It sounds like you need all of the support you can get. And girl, if you are a psyco, then most of us here are too.
Keep reading and posting. I've only been here a week, and it has helped my soul tremendously.
Love and prayers,
Angela