well, i have to thank YOU for this post. the timing is perfect for me as i begin my separation from my AH and realize so many things. It is like i've woken up from my fantasy that i created to be able to manage, all the while walking on eggshells and loosing little pieces of myself along the way. I am slowly gaining those pieces back, though i have a very long way to go, but...and this is a huge but....I have gotten myself an apartment, I see that this all has nothing to do with me and i see that i need to step back to allow the alcoholic to manage his own journey. I thought my "job" was to take care of him and help him and thus take responsibility when it didn't work....i see that is wrong and that alcoholics like to pass that responsibility on to any accepting person who is willing to take it. NO MORE!!
The movers come tomorrow and i leave the following week. We signed legal separation papers yesterday and I am following through for the first time in 20 years, which is just amazing. The most amazing part is that I can now hear and see the sadness that is only the alcoholics and not mine because i am energetic, and fun and funny and i love life and the adventures it holds...i just don't understand how i lost all that all these years.
You are an inspiration and I am so grateful you are all here to share your ESH to help me stay strong and happy and moving forward!! I can't wait to be in my own place next week and thanks for the glimpse of what i will be able to look forward to.
I am scared, but excited at the same time. I have to find work and a way to pay my way...it isn't going to be easy, but it will be all mine!! i have a cute little place near the ocean and i'm going home...i'm so excited i don't think i can stand it. it is about time i got a chance to create my own happiness...for the life of me, i can't seem to understand how i lost that, but i am so very grateful i have the chance to have it back!!!
Thank you for this post and for paving the way!!